It is so not about me....

As a mother, I feel this way often. Actually, what mom doesn't feel this way from time to time??? There are days when I'd love to sleep in for an extra hour, take a bubble bath, scrap, chat on the phone, heck.. even clean the house. But, the reality is... as a mother, I can't do these little things whenever I want and I'm often reminded that...... IT IS SO NOT ABOUT ME. Life is not about what *I* want, it's about what *they* want and need. And the other reality is... I'm so thankful for that. I'm eternally grateful that I have two wonderful, happy kids, and that life is not just about me anymore. It's so much more that... my life is so much better for the two smiling faces I wake up to each morning, and for the little hands that clasp mine as we walk to the park, and for the wet slobbery kisses that I receive each day. Life is so much better for them, knowing them, loving them...

Yesterday morning I started feeling a little under the weather -- sore throat, earache, nagging cough -- just all around yuck. As much as I would have liked to sleep in for an extra 30 minutes, I got up to get ready for Katherine's big day -- OUR big day. It was her last day of preschool. She was so looking forward to the picnic her class was having with all of the parents, showing off her most recent "craft" creations, taking lots of pictures and playing with her friends for the last time before summer break. So I got up early to make her favorite lunch, chicken salad, and got everything ready for her big day.

We were supposed to have a picnic in the park and feed the ducks, but since it was POURING rain, the picnic was moved inside to the gym. I had an hour between the time I brought her to preschool and the time I had to be back for the "picnic". I was *hoping* that she'd let me drop her off at the door, so that I wouldn't have to drag Caleb out in the rain either. Her preschool has a wonderful little drop off system in which I could drive up in a little area, and the assistant teachers take them out of the car and walk them into the classrooms. But no --- she was adamant that I had to walk her in. "Only mommies who don't care about their kids just drop them off and leave" she tells me. "They don't take the time to hug and kiss them goodbye. They don't watch their kids turn their name tag over and say hello to their friends". *SIGH* I try to explain to Katherine that I don't feel well, that I really don't want to haul Caleb out in the downpour, that I still love her with all my heart, but of course, she wouldn't hear of it. So I'm reminded that, IT IS SO NOT ABOUT ME. It doesn't matter that I'm not feeling well and I suspect Caleb is also sick. It's completely irrelevant that it's cold and raining. She wants me to walk her in... So in we all go, the three of us in the rain, huddling under one umbrella and shivering cold.

As soon as I dropped her off at school, Caleb and I ran to Target. I had to pick up a few things for the preschool picnic, and get another gift for her teachers. Thankfully, the rain let up a bit so Caleb and I made a run for it. However by the time we were ready to go it was raining really hard -- as in coming down sideways. I would have loved to wait it out for a few minutes, but since I needed to be back at school, Caleb and I dashed to the car. I had to stand out in the rain so that I could get him buckled in, and by the time I was done, my entire left side was soaking wet. I looked like I stepped out of the shower. It was horrible!! As much as I would have LOVED to run home to change my clothes and dry off, I couldn't. I would have 5 or 10 minutes late for the all important picnic, and I wouldn't do that to Katherine. I just couldn't. So once again I'm reminded... IT'S SO NOT ABOUT ME!! I showed up for the picnic soaking wet and freezing. Let me tell ya -- I looked GREAT! LOL.

Katherine (and Caleb) had a wonderful time at the picnic. Katherine's teacher, Mrs. Schramm, is also a Kindermusic teacher, and since the "picnic" had to be moved inside, we had a big Kindermusic session. Caleb loved it. He played instruments, clapped to the beat, danced, and swayed with the colorful scarves to the beat of the music. The little guy has rhythm!! After lunch, the kids ran around in the gym and played all sorts of wonderful little games.

Later in the day, Caleb started getting really crabby (and not eating) so I suspected that he wasn't feeling well either. Since Dr. Jon doesn't work on Thursdays, I decided to hold off and take him this morning. By the time this morning rolled around, I was feeling HORRIBLE! I tried to get into my doctor, but no such luck.... So I was planning on taking Caleb to Jon's and then heading into the walk-in clinic for myself.

When we saw Jon, he asked the usual questions... How was he feeling, what was wrong, was he eating, etc.... I told him that I wasn't totally sure if he was sick or not, but he wasn't eating as much as usual and was super crabby. I then went on to tell him that I was on my way to the walk-in clinic because I was sick with a sore throat and earache and I suspected that Caleb had what I did. He shot me a this puzzled/confused/dirty look and told me that he was going to take a look at Caleb and Katherine. (Katherine didn't have an appointment). After he looked at the kids he told me to open up. The end result... Caleb and I have strep throat, Katherine is as healthy as can be. So he saved me a trip to the walk-in and wrote me a script. LOVE HIM. Since Matt's taking the big test this weekend, he also got a prescription just in case. I know I've mentioned this before, but I am soooo thankful for Dr. Jon. He's a pediatrician, so technically he's not supposed to treat me, but today he did. And his dirty look.... I soon found out that it was a "don't be ridiculous, I'll help you out" type of look.

Nap time could not come soon enough for me today. I was lusting after sleep like I can't even tell you. I was running a fever, coughing up a lung, and could barely swallow. My head was pounding.... All I wanted to do was to crawl into bed and turn off the lights. But yet again, IT'S SO NOT ABOUT ME. Katherine and Caleb wanted to run around outside, play on the swing set and go for a walk, so I indulged them. But when nap time did come, I took a power nap, and it was wonderful!!

I'm very aware at how quickly the kids will grow up -- and have already grown up. The days that Katherine begs me to walk her into school will fade and her constant need for me to be by her side, will be replaced by her need to fit in with her peers. It won't be every day that Caleb and I can run in the rain and laugh until we cry. I won't have the opportunity every day to watch his little hands stretch to the sky in hopes of catching a raindrop. So, I'm grateful for these days. I'm so very thankful that life is bigger than me, that it's so not about me anymore.... that it's about them.