I'm a failure of a mom....

Can I have a mulligan please?

Oh, I so wish today was one of those days where I could just push the rewind button and start over ..... redo the mistakes the I've made .... heal some of the hurt feelings I've either caused or witnessed (which unfortunately today was both cause and witness).... I so wish I could start over and do it all over again.

Here's my list of "bad mom" moments from JUST TODAY --

-- It's been raining here for two straight days. It rained ALL day yesterday and this morning we woke up to more of the same. Everything is soggy and worms have covered the driveway. Not that I'm giving excuses, but it's just the truth here.... Since we traded car, my umbrella disappeared. I don't have one in the new car. Anyway, since it was pouring, I insisted that Katherine let me drop her off at the door of preschool. Now -- it's not like I leave her alone and drive off. One of the preschool teachers comes out to the car, helps the kids get out of their car seats and gather their bags, and walk them indoors. Oh, and these teachers actually bring out umbrellas so the kids don't get wet.

Katherine is NOT fine with this. It's NOT OK with her. She doesn't like the drop off, and until today, has never done it. Oh, and let me assure you, she's a pro at giving guilt trips. "What you're NOT walking me inside today? Don't you want to watch me write my name? Don't you want to say hi to Mrs. Schramm? Don't you want to see what I'll vote for? (Every day the kids "vote" for all kinds of stuff -- fave drink, animal, color, etc...) Don't you want to say hi to my friends? They all love to see you, Mommy". Yes, I assure her.... I love all that, but today it's raining, and I'd rather not stand outside in the pouring rain without an umbrella and bring her and Caleb and all her stuff in. I'm going to drop her off. It'll be fine, I promise her.

She starts to tear up. Only the Mommies who don't care about their kids just drop them off. They don't take the time to come in and say hi, watch them write their name and work on their alphabet books. They just rush off.

I dropped her off..... Watching her walk in by herself (with teacher) broke my heart. I wish I could run and park the car, unload Caleb, and get drenched. I'm not ready for her to grow up -- especially since she's not ready either. I couldn't help it. I felt horrible -- like I let her down and broke her heart all at the same time. I wasn't the mom she needed today, and it was all because I didn't want to get wet. How selfish am I?

-- Each week the kids have preschool homework assignments. They are to look through magazines and find pictures that start with a certain letter. I have a stack of about 20 magazines in one of the kitchen cupboards for our weekly assignment. Well this week is "X". Can I tell you how hard it is to find "X" pictures??? Dang near impossible I tell ya! After looking through ALL of the magazines together, Katherine and I decided that she'd just draw a picture. On a side note -- each week several kids don't bring pictures so drawing something yourself isn't uncommon.

Well -- today it broke her heart. She didn't have a picture to add to her alphabet book with a magazine picture of an X word. I feel terrible. Why didn't I hop on the computer and print out a picture of a xylophone or an X-ray??? Clearly I wasn't thinking, and as a result I totally let down my little girl. Strike two. UUUUGH!

-- On top of everything else, this week happens to be the week of the young child. On Wednesday they brought their bikes and helmets and rode on an outdoor course... raising money for St. Jude's Children's Hospital. I remembered it all that and she had a great day...

Well, today is was Wacky Friday. The kids were supposed to dress wacky and they had corresponding wacky activities. Guess who forgot? Yep. Me. OK, and this point, I start tearing up. How could I forget so many things in ONE day???? So when I showed up at preschool she had put her shirt on backwards and then put her pink GAP sweatshirt on backwards as well so that she could put the hood over her face. How resourceful is she??? I asked Mrs. Schramm how it went, and she laughed. Evidently Katherine was a total ham, running around and making all the other kids laugh too. Thankfully, she wasn't the only one who forgot!

-- While Katherine was at school today, Caleb and I went over to Laundervilles' house so that he could play with Caden. You'd never guess it was two little 2.5 year old boys playing together. They got along soooo well -- no fights, no yelling, no conflict of any kind. They play together amazing well. Anyway, all of a sudden, Caleb starts screaming. Evidently he fell over a tool box. His face was bloody and his lip was sliced open. Wonderful! My poor little guy...

After I clean him up and we leave to pick up Katherine and Nicholas, Caleb gives me a big hug and says, "I yyyooove (love) you Mommy. I sorry I fall down". He's apologizing to me for getting hurt????

** So yea, I'm glad this morning is over. I wish I'd walked Katherine into school, said hi to her teachers and friends, watched her write her name, helped her draw a picture in her alphabet book, and remembered to dress her appropriately. But I didn't. This morning was a disaster from start to finish.

Right now the kids are having a little quiet time and we're off to her private gymnastics lesson in about an hour. Tonight, we're spending time as a family -- and one thing is for sure -- we're all wearing wacky clothes!